Music

Here she is! Ms. Second Mixtape! Owl Afterbirth
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Like Weezy says, “new mixtape, bitch!” (Please note: this “mixtape” includes the material previously available on Cat Violin: The Basement Sessions, Vol. 1, and is still available–if you know how to get it. Hint.
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Fritos in Your Dropbox: The Basement Sessions, Vol. 3

Volume three finds us in the midst of single-song-territory. In this tune, Grappling Snark expresses their deep abiding love for all things 8-bit. Yeah, the NES cartridge slot has a LOT of uses. Listen up ladies! Come on down to Hyrule for some fine elf-lovin’. Go ahead, girl, break a pot, maybe there’s a rupee inside, or a human heart. The heart means, “I love you, Nintendo.”

Around the office, we call this little ditty, Nintendo Love Song.
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Those Fumes Aren’t Safe: The Basement Sessions, Vol. 2

The second installment in our never-ending series of demos coming at you digitally live. (Vol. 1 is available on the Merch page!)

1. Arturo Motorbike: This song is about quitting grad school. Good luck! (co-written with Robert Higgs of Addieville)

2. C is for Cookie Rap: You know what’s NOT fair? Rappers are the only ones who get to rap about their awesome lives. Well, this song gives one of our favorite blue collar regular joes the chance to brag about his weekends! At last!
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Christmas Shoes Redux

Christmas Shoes is (beyond question or debate) the greatest Christmas song ever. In an increasingly secular society, the only things that can jostle us into remembering the true meaning of our holidays are: 1. the misguided materialism of the poor, and 2. the death of a child’s mother. Revel in the glory that is Grappling Snark’s rendition of this truly timeless holiday classic: Chirstmas Shoes (demo)
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Human Centipedes Are Still Human (Love Theme from The Human Centipede)

Human Centipedes Are Still Human (Love Theme from The Human Centipede)

Has everyone out there heard of the hit film that bombed entirely called The Human Centipede? Of course you have! If not, get out of that cave. It’s about a crazy German doctor who kidnaps three people and sews them together, butt to mouth, to become a human centipede. And I bet you can guess what happens when when, well, life happens!

Anyway, the way we at Grappling Snark see it, there are two reasons this film didn’t do so well. First of all, Dame Judi Dench turned down the lead role. Secondly, there was no love interest. Human centipedes need love too, amiright? So re-envision, if you will, The Human Centipede with a love interest. Of course, once a love interest is introduced, you surely need a love theme. Hence, our newest demo was born: Human Centipedes Are Still Human. Enjoy!

Remix(es)!

MC back again! Matt Corey brings us not one, not two, not three, but three remixes of Human Centipedes Are Still Human (Love Theme from The Human Centipede).

As he himself puts it in an email sent from his secret laboratory recording bunker, he’s offering “three different Human Snarkipede remixes: Human Centipede (Applejack Rainbow Lodge Remix) (significant drums, potentially a big hit for the stripclubs in lower Alabama), Human Centipede (CCCCCCCP Remix) (insignificant drums, surely for fans of Oolong tea and Nation of Ulysses), and Human Centipede (Muscle-Tooth Remix) (bizarre, makes promises it cannot keep).” The last incidentally is a favorite of many members of Grappling Snark. Listen up, ’cause here they are!
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Rent Cats – The FIV Story (demo)

Rent Cats – The FIV Story (demo)

(Scroll to the bottom for Matthew Corey’s brilliant remix!)

Premise
What if the most evil person in the universe (Andrew Lloyd Webber) and the most overrated person in the five boroughs (Jonathan Larson) had, in fact, not inflicted Cats and Rent (respectively) on the world? What if instead they had joined forces? Well, we think it would have gone a little something like this…

Lyrics
2.5 percent of all cats in the United States suffer from feline immunodeficiency virus, more commonly known as FIV, girl. There’s also no known cure for FIV, honey bear, and I’m not even sure they’re looking. But there are a damn lot of cats out there with it, and this is their song…

If you stacked all the cats ’round the world wider
They would reach from here to way, way yonder

525,600 felines: If you think that’s how many cats suffer FIV
You’re wrong, as dead wrong as dead cats with FIV

It’s more like 525,600 felines plus many, many, many, many, many more
Something like 2.5% of cats in the U.S. have FIV, and 44% of cats worldwide, as far as you know

F—I—V

DON’T get it mixed up with FeLV: feline leukemia virus
DON’T get it mixed up with FFV: feline foamy virus
The most humorously named of all cat afflictions

DON’T—seriously—don’t

With so many cats who have FIV
They should declare this a cat-astrophe
But still they don’t
And we should
So let me introduce you
To some cool cats
Who got the AIDS

My Mom’s Cat! Has FIV, girl.
Michael Chabon’s Cat! Might have FIV, girl.
Shia LaBeouf’s Cat! Might have FIV, girl.
Catwoman! Might have FIV, girl.
Garfield! Might have FIV, girl.
Azrael! Got FIV from a Smurf, girl.
Catsup! Surely has FIV, girl.

Practical cats practice practically safe sex and don’t have FIV. Talk to your cat today about kitten condoms. If you think your cat isn’t sexually active, you’re as wrong as you are about the number of cats who suffer FIV, which, in case you forgot, is like 525,600 felines plus many, many more.

Remix!

Rent Cats (Feline Foaming Re-Edit)

by the incredible, the incorrigible, Matthew Corey

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