This won’t be too long. Don’t worry. In the spirit of doing 5-minute versions of great musicals, this podcast is shorter than normal. We’ll explore some ancient Judaic traditions, and some modern evangelical Christian theological notions. Do you believe in angels? If you don’t now, you will after this. Watch out for evil rodents.
See that title? That’s the premise. That’s all it is. Have we lost our magic? Obviously not, as this boogie-woogie song turns into a tale of fighter pilots in love, the Moses War, puns, and a talking snowman. Happy Oscar night!
This week’s podcast comes to you LIVE from the Rainforest Cafe. You know, the one right across from the Hard Rock and kitty-corner to the Hooters. It’s the perfect location to spend an inappropriately long amount of time having Aspen Standby describe art not the ceiling. Of course, it all just reminds him of Tetris. Lastly, Cornelius and Aspen discuss comedic theory, why The Hangover won the Golden Globe, and what “bae” doesn’t stand for.
In this week’s not lost episode, the boys from Grappling Snark request yet another Grey Goose as they sit, drink, and chat about life’s foibles. A few example foibles: clawfoot bathtubs, milk shells, the holidays, and deleted podcasts. “Fill me up and I’ll be gay,” says one of them. Which one? Listen to find out.
Grappling Snark’s long-time special guest Mama Chicken makes her final appearance, at least for a little while, so you don’t want to miss this smorgasbord of awesome! The gents visit the newest, whoriest bar north of Chicago, learning about the restaurant industry — and themselves — at the same time. Also, they talk about Sleep Number.
Aspen won’t read this, and if he does, he won’t think it good. But I’m not a copyman; I’m a copy, man. We’re going to need to see some identification. Slow learners welcome, apparently. I’m a vet–erinarian. Our guest star refuses to take advantage of the forum we’re giving him. No plugs. Well, except the hair ones. Which’ll it be, hotternex.com? Quick, call snex! Gloves got teeth! Earth 2 U! Memphis doesn’t get it. BB King rides a Rascal. Myth busted! Kids, use rubbers!
This is like a jazz jam session. Word poetry. Aspen bums everyone out by not playing trombone well or fast enough, but then he does amazing trombone playing. Does music stimulate the body? Pace your consumption. Read the literature. And watch out you guys. Lube up the rail. Greasy-necked celebrities must be rated on a dichotomous scale. Do you guys like computer jokes? RIP Ernie Borgnine. Wu-Tang Clan is a bunch of Kung-Fu movie samples. Cornelius puns his way into a major career. Robert provides a faulty business model. Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Edith Piaf three-way! Plus Louis Armstrong/Anderson! HOT DOGS!
Sometimes even a genius errs. As when the tower leaned, or like how you aren’t able to tell if Mona Lisa is smiling. When things slow down, robot noises will disrupt everything. Welcome to our sponsor, BIG SALT. Don’t turn this into an inquisition! We get traffic reports. Rappers never die. They just refuse to stop calling themselves rappers. Eclipses change infographics. Cornelius writes some copy for the back of DVD/VHS boxes. Censorship is our business.
A special guest joins us for a run of shows. Until he dies. The audience grows at a literal geologic pace. Maybe Dr. Dre isn’t such a good guy. Let’s do an avant-garde music joke to kill the momentum. By the way, Cornelius is too loud in these next few episodes. Nothing can be done about it. You’ll live. In fact, you’ll thrive! Listen in for Chick-fil-A material. We don’t face one another. How is the room laid out?