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Posts by Aspen Standby
See that title? That’s the premise. That’s all it is. Have we lost our magic? Obviously not, as this boogie-woogie song turns into a tale of fighter pilots in love, the Moses War, puns, and a talking snowman. Happy Oscar night!
This week’s podcast comes to you LIVE from the Rainforest Cafe. You know, the one right across from the Hard Rock and kitty-corner to the Hooters. It’s the perfect location to spend an inappropriately long amount of time having Aspen Standby describe art not the ceiling. Of course, it all just reminds him of Tetris. Lastly, Cornelius and Aspen discuss comedic theory, why The Hangover won the Golden Globe, and what “bae” doesn’t stand for.
In this week’s not lost episode, the boys from Grappling Snark request yet another Grey Goose as they sit, drink, and chat about life’s foibles. A few example foibles: clawfoot bathtubs, milk shells, the holidays, and deleted podcasts. “Fill me up and I’ll be gay,” says one of them. Which one? Listen to find out.
Grappling Snark’s long-time special guest Mama Chicken makes her final appearance, at least for a little while, so you don’t want to miss this smorgasbord of awesome! The gents visit the newest, whoriest bar north of Chicago, learning about the restaurant industry — and themselves — at the same time. Also, they talk about Sleep Number.
Four little ducks went to play. Also, they each suffered tragic accidents. Lastly, they were delicious. That’s what we talk about in this podcast, folks! Additionally, our Gr-APP-ling Snark app is now available, which allows you to do minimal things that you can do without the app (app not available today). There are all kinds of functionality that will blow your mind, including a countdown to the big giveaway. The most impressive being that you can listen to podcasts, and hear a long diatribe about the difference between apples and pears. Spoiler alert: pears.
You know what the Bible says about Aspen Standby as a child? It says he didn’t have a sign-off. And this podcast is no different. Luckily, the crew at Grappling Snark Enterprises, Inc., LLC realized they need to come up with one forthwith. Get ready for like 10 minutes of brainstorming. What fun!
In the first of our annual spring triple threat trilogy, the handsome fellows from Grappling Snark finally address the racism of all Disney songs, and the non-racism of all Daft Punk songs. Luckily, Daft Punk’s in town and stops by to share in the fun. Additionally, Aspen howls at the moon, and the gents introduce a brand new podcast game – Wheel of Death. Both surprisingly graphic and confusingly visual, the game elevates this podcast to that of legend. Come get stuck at the rib cage with Grappling Snark!
Here they come, folks, the Miss Americans. In this week’s long-lost and long-found episode, Aspen Standby shares some big news about this year’s Miss America winner, while Cornelius Vanguard makes everyone sad about an extremely tough decision he had to make recently. We also learn that Cornelius hates people he can’t see in front of him. Performance fleece! Performance fleece!
Ever wonder how Cornelius Vanguard and Aspen Standby became so successful in their professional lives? If so, you likely won’t find them here. However, you will find out what Cornelius was like as a young cat-killer, how delicious sandwiches are, and why Cornelius shouldn’t give us his job as a life coach. Plus, we give you the opportunity to experience an entire podcast from the point of view of a falafel sandwich. You’re welcome.
The Christmas Burglar is here, folks; hide your Christmases and, strangely, hide your hamburgers. But he’s here right in time for some reminiscing. Remember when Grappling Snark could play Ke$ha? Remember when Ally McBeal made that failed wish to be fat? Remember when Cornelius wasn’t racist against the Irish? Remember when Aspen wouldn’t filibuster via mucus talk? So, anyway, if you’re into flashbacks to things that never happened, you’re in the right place. Enjoy this super-sized 12-minute episode, and don’t forget to eat your pancakes.